Conflict definitions (Mirriam-Webster)
1: fight, battle, war
2a : competitive or opposing action of incompatibles : antagonistic state or action (as of divergent ideas, interests, or persons)
1: fight, battle, war
2a : competitive or opposing action of incompatibles : antagonistic state or action (as of divergent ideas, interests, or persons)
b : mental struggle resulting from incompatible or opposing needs, drives, wishes, or external or internal demands
Conflict is something we’ve been groomed to avoid at all cost. Most people are of the opinion that nothing good ever comes from engaging conflict, so the intelligent move is to walk away or ignore it and be the “bigger person”. I will spend the next few minutes explaining why I disagree with that theory, which will hopefully open up avenues of consideration for some people who are afraid to deal with conflict.
The first thing we need to understand is that conflict is
necessary in any healthy relationship.
Whether it be romantic, friendship, business, or just casual acquaintance,
every relationship will encounter some form of conflict at one point or another. If we are of the opinion that we should avoid
the conflict, that relationship becomes stagnant.
The second thing we need to know about conflict is that it
usually derives from a lack of needs/desires being met. Again, conflict is necessary in a healthy
relationship, and the previous sentence explains why. When two or more people with different
thought processes, different attitudes, different moral basis, or different
communicative skills try to reach a common goal, conflict is inevitable.
The third key to successfully handling conflict, in my
opinion, is remembering that it’s usually not personal. What I mean by that is when anyone feels that
their feelings/ideas are being challenged it usually throws them in a defensive
mindset based on their emotional state in that moment. The defensiveness can have an undertone of
anger, fear, sadness, hurt, disappointment, etc., and can easily result in one
feeling they must “strike back” in the same manner they are being attacked.
Why do I feel this topic is important? It is simply this: When you can’t understand the potential
benefits of conflict, then you set the stage for creating/maintaining a lot of
meaningless and unhealthy relationships.
Once I understand conflict is necessary to strengthen my relationships,
I can approach it with an open mind and with the intention of reaching a
resolution. Once I understand that the
conflict is probably the result of a need or desire not being met, then I can
address the conflict a little less selflessly, and more open-minded. Once I realize that the person/thing I am in
conflict with most likely does not have a personal vendetta out against me, it
allows me to adjust my emotional state before confronting conflict. The intent of this post is to reveal a couple
truths I have come to learn about conflict:
1. Conflict was never a bad thing; I just handled conflict in a bad way.
2. In every conflict there is REVELATION. That revelation may not always equate to agreement, but the revelation itself should be enough to warrant the initial confrontation.
Hopefully this will help someone better deal with the conflict: past, present, and future.
1. Conflict was never a bad thing; I just handled conflict in a bad way.
2. In every conflict there is REVELATION. That revelation may not always equate to agreement, but the revelation itself should be enough to warrant the initial confrontation.
Hopefully this will help someone better deal with the conflict: past, present, and future.
Until next time…..
Corey Washington
